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Is Monogamy Passé?


Monogamy has always been an issue that has inspired heated debates. Churches, government organizations, schools and other academic institutions and even people on the street all seem to get into the fray when it comes to discussing the issue.

Some people say that monogamy is merely a social construct—a concept that man created just like he created cities, air planes and such. It is not natural; looking at the animal world will show us how humans are supposed to be.

On the other hand, pro-monogamy folks claim that marriage is a binding contract that should be respected by both parties, and that a fruitful relationship can only be obtained once a person finds the right person that he or she is meant to be with—a kind of “soul mate,” if you will.

As time goes by though, many arguments and studies against monogamy have tipped the scale. Is society really ready to accept polygamy as the new norm? We explore this issue.

Patterns in the jungle

It is established that only a very small part of the animal kingdom practice monogamy. Rodents, beavers, bats, foxes, otters and several primates are included in this monogamous roster. It is the bird group that is the face of fidelity in the jungle. If you watch a pair of birds at work, you can even see them building a nest together and looking after their young in turns.

However, one study managed to alter this long-held view about loyal birds—at least, when it comes to blackbirds. In an effort to reduce population among red-winged blackbirds, some scientists decided to vasectomize the male blackbirds. Yet they were shocked to see that the females in the population (which were thought to be mating only with the vasectomized blackbirds) were still laying eggs. This means that the female birds were getting impregnated somewhere else.

The gorillas and the chimps

Polygamy naturally entails competition, both in the animal and the homosapien world. In the animal world, males would compete to mate with as many as females as possible while females compete to mate with the best male.

Surprising as it may seem, this crude equation can easily be applied to most societies today. An interesting study about gorillas and chimps aimed to shed more light over the issue of polygamy in the animal world, and hence, shed more light on the issue in the homosapien world as well.

You see, monogamous silver back gorillas have testicles that are quite small in proportion to its size. This is because gorillas rely more on the size of their bodies in order to compete with other males. In contrast, the polygamous male chimps have humungous testicles to produce sperm. The study observes that a human male testicles' size has been found to be somewhere in the middle of a gorilla's and a chimp's. This study can tell us a lot. It implies that a human is not as complacent as gorillas in monopolizing sexual objects, but he is not cut out either for extreme random chimp-style mating, either.

The monogamous man – does he exist? 

Many women like to joke that a monogamous man is mythical creature. This is not an unwarranted claim. Simply turn on the TV or flip through the magazines and you can easily find famous examples of men who have a wandering eye or have committed adultery. The famous reverend Jesse Jackson made an announcement one day saying that he has indeed fathered an illegitimate child with one of the members of his staff. Supermodel Christie Brinkley's husband also made tabloids and gossip programs when he cheated and had a illicit encounter with a teenager. And of course, there is probably the most famous case of infidelity in the US, the relations between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.

According to conservative estimates, 60% of men will have an extra-marital affair and sexual intercourse. Indeed, infidelity or affairs have always been associated with men, and it can perhaps be attributed to his sperm. Men produce sperm on a regular basis. For instance, if he performs sexual intercourse during the morning, he can still choose to have sex with two different women in the afternoon and evening and he will manage to produce more sperm. Aside from the fact that sperm is completely replaceable, a man's reproductive responsibility ends when he ejaculates. For females, it does not. Even in today's world of birth control and contraception, a female who engages in sexual intercourse faces the risk of pregnancy. In fact, with of without contraception, the biological makeup of a female clearly shows that impregnation is the main goal for mating. The consequences that are pregnancy, birth and raising an offspring are factors that can perhaps explain why women are not so bent on having as many sexual partners as possible. Since the act of sex is more casual in males, men see no problem in spreading their seed around.

Growing number of polygamous women

The Bible has always been the centre of much debate, especially from the feminist front. Aside from the fact that the book of Genesis portrays a woman as being merely created from a man's rib, it seems that men are not capable of adultery even when they keep multiple wives. However, for a married woman to have a relation with another man is unthinkable. The same double standard exists in Greek mythology, such as in the case of Ulysses killing the suitors of his wife Penelope, while he himself has had an affair with Circe.

Unfortunately, this unfair depiction of men versus women is not only evident in ancient literature, but in modern times as well. In fact, you don't need to read the Bible or the mythologies to know that discrimination against women still prevails when adultery or sexual conquests in particular are in question. Even popular lingo supports this fact. A man who is having many sexual relations with different women is glorified as a “stud” or a “stallion”. In contrast, women who also have multiple sexual partners are called lewd names such as “whore” or “slut”. It seems that even though the modern woman can now be a man in her family or at work, she still needs to remain a lady in her sex life.

Fortunately, more and more women are realizing that there can be more than what nature has intended them to be. Instead of merely being sexual objects that fulfil the sexual needs of males, more women today are choosing to be sexual adventurers on their own and seeking adult fun. For them, the goal of sex is not merely to be impregnated by the best male possible. Sex is a way of enjoying their own sexuality. Having a bit on the side is normal

In fact, the whole “wham bam, thank you ma'am” sexual scenario is not restricted to males any longer. More females today are capable of engaging in sexual activities with men without seeking commitment.  In fact, women today do not even need a man all the time in order to enjoy their own bodies and sexuality. A staggering number of sex toys are currently available in the market today for the single woman who wants to enjoy on her own.  What’s even more shocking is that about 40% percent of women are estimated to have had extramarital affairs – and that is a conservative estimate.

Monogamy may cause divorce

Many people spend the early part of their adult lives chasing after their careers and dating a string of wrong people. When that biological clock beeps, they suddenly want to get married and settle down. Unfortunately, many people who get married only love the idea of getting married, not the person they are marrying. As the partnership progresses and they get to know their partner for what they truly are, they lose interest and want out of the marriage. This is why more and more people choose to stay single and polygamous – and we can’t blame them.

It is devastating to see the number of marriages that end in divorce. If the couple has children, the circumstance becomes even more tragic. Children from all over the country are experiencing the effects of coming from broken homes and lashing back by using drugs, drinking, and resorting to other rebellious acts. Pro-polygamy sectors ask: It is possible to trace the problem back to the absurd idea of monogamy? 

Adventures outside the marital bed

If you are married but cannot help but desire to have an affair, then you are undoubtedly feeling guilty. However, as you can see, the long history of man and animal has shown that monogamy is not as natural as we would like to believe.

If you are in an open relationship where both you and your spouse are consenting when it comes to extramarital affairs, then dating around can greatly help your marriage. Having an extramarital affair saves your partnership from the monotony and humdrum that often leads to divorce.

If you are doing this on your own without your spouse knowing, then you are in for a naughty and rewarding adventure. Just because you are in a marriage does not mean you cannot explore other sexual adventures. Let's face it, as marriage progresses, so does the boredom and routine. What starts out as passionate and spontaneous lovemaking eventually becomes a dull, robotic intercourse every Friday night (if you are lucky). It may take another individual to reignite your inner passion.

If you are not quite ready for a full-on affair, then you can always choose to test the waters. There are many adult dating websites that specialize in connecting bored married individuals with other married people or single ones. Try a little romance. A little flirtation with another person may make you feel attractive and desirable. Who knows? Your new found self-esteem might just save your marriage.

affairsanddating.co.uk can help you find whatever it is you are looking for, whether it’s a full-blown affair or a little harmless flirtation. Join for free to see what we can offer.


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